Happy Birthday, Eren!
by EyesOfTheHeavens
Summary: A birthday fic to our lovely lil' Eren. Made for Eren events, with the prompt; "Anything you want, Happy birthday Eren!" So I just did my usual angst and a bit of fluff. Takes a look at Erens birthday celebrations through the years and how his character has changed. CONTAINS MANGA SPOILERS** (Somewhat) **Also on Archive Of Our Own/AO3. (First uploaded there)


Another sleepless night, another nightmare. Another night of awaking to tear-stained cheeks and a hoarse voice.

Not that anyone would check on him.

This had been happening a lot lately. The nightmares. They were all pretty much the same. Nightmares were not an uncommon thing for the Survey Corps.

Far from it, in fact.

It was the usual. Death. Titans. The screaming. the deafening roar and the ground trembling beneath your feet, Nobody would be able to stay sane experiencing such terrors daily.

And so with no outlet, no escape, no comfort- Their fears come to haunt them in the dead of night, just waiting for the chance to attack.

The human mind was a cruel thing.

And of course, even being a Titan-Shifter, Eren was no exception.

You could say he was worse. Because, most of all-

He feared himself.

He dreamt of losing control, of seeing himself crush and kill his comrades, and being unable to help.

Being stuck as a Titan forever.

They were fears that could not go away, nor be dismissed as nonsense.

Anything could happen, and that was the scariest part. Not knowing, not knowing yourself.

But on this night, it was different.

Eren had a different dream. No Titans, no death, no fear.

Although to Eren, it was a nightmare in a completely different way.

No matter how hard he tried to push away those memories, for the sake of his own sanity, He couldn't escape them forever.

Be it happy memories, or sad ones,

The boy doubted he would ever be able to face those memories again.

He never truly realized how much he missed the past and mourned it until now..

He never wanted to face how much he truly did miss everyone.

His mother.

His father.

His family.

His home.

He missed it. Missed it so much he felt it could tear a hole through his heart.

It was painful. It was a nightmare.

Eren was a young boy again, of only five.

Bright, cheerful, he never seemed to run out of energy, much to his mother's dismay.

He was the sun, always shining and always hopeful.

Carla thought even the sun was no brighter.

He remembers it well. Too well.

Of the times when he didn't think about life outside the walls. Of the times he chose to be blissfully ignorant of the Titans.

They were good days, he now realizes. Being ignorant.

It's a good thing. If only for staying happy.

Back then, Eren was constantly playing and fighting, getting himself into trouble and paying the price.

He would have sword fights with the timid Armin, who always went easy and lost.

He tried to battle Mikasa once, though it didn't end in a pretty way. He decided Armin was the best opponent, at least to keep his dignity.

Carla would only sigh and patch up his cuts and bruises, always giving a small peck on his cheek, and chuckle as Eren would furiously scrub at his face with a disgusted frown every time.

Eren regrets it now, fearing he hurt his mother's feelings. He knows, he knows he didn't- but the guilt silently gnawed at him regardless.

How he wished he could see more of her teasing, just once more.

He can still remember his nightmare. The memory he revisited.

His 5th birthday, ten years ago…

" _Eren! It's time for your birthday dinner! And cake!" He hears his mother call him from the window of their small cottage, and jumps off the swing excitedly. Scampering to get inside, he almost trips in his haste. His mother chuckles fondly._

 _What Eren is greeted with when he's inside, leaves him wide-eyed in awe. On the table, were various plates of treats, little snacks and bigger plates full of the boys favourite food._

 _From the side of the room, his father smiles at his son's bright grin._

 _Eren spots him, and breaks into an even bigger grin. he rushes over to his father and hugs him tightly._

" _Happy birthday, Eren. I'm sorry I couldn't be here until now."_

" _It's okay!" The grinning boy replies, before running off to sit down at the table._

 _His mouth waters at the sight of all the delicious-looking food set out before him, he has trouble holding himself back from the dessert treats._

 _But of course, he was most excited for the cake. His mother never failed to amaze when it came to her baking._

 _Saying their thanks, the small family of three begins to eat, Eren recounting the day's events to his father,, complaining about the bullies he usually mentioned, and the lack of anyone to play with._

 _Despite that, he assured the two he had fun. Especially now that they were all at home together, Eren could hardly contain his excitement._

 _Eren didn't really have friends, his temper made him excluded from most social groups. Regardless of who it was, Eren always seemed to end up in a heated argument, mainly over sharing. Eren did not like sharing._

 _He was more than a handful for his teachers, to say the least._

 _Despite this, he's perfectly okay playing on his own. Or so he says, it's obvious to see how lonely he can get._

" _Say, Eren?" His father speaks, Eren quickly finishes eating to answer._

" _What is it, dad?"_

" _You know I go out to visit other families to treat them if they're unwell?" Eren nods._

" _There's one family I go to, not too far from here. They have a daughter whose around your age, actually."_

" _Mikasa, is her name. I have an appointment to check on her health next month; How about coming with me and meeting her?" Eren's eyes widen, and he nods fervently, glowing with excitement._

" _Dear, are you sure that's a good idea? You know how Eren gets…" The mother voices her concern with hesitation, Eren loudly objects, saying how this time he won't get angry._

 _As long as Mikasa isn't annoying, so Eren says._

 _His father laughs, "It will be fine, I'm sure they two of them will get along well." And pats Eren on the head, ruffling his hair affectionately. Eren beams._

 _After cutting the cake and blowing out the candles, unwrapping presents and staying up later than usual as a birthday treat, Carla insists that it's time for Eren's bedtime._

 _Eren complains and whines the entire time he's (literally) dragged to his bed, but his eyelids were already starting to droop and close shut._

 _Eren's mother tucks the pouting boy into bed, with his father standing beside her._

" _So Eren, did you have a nice 5_ _th_ _birthday today?" The mother asks sweetly._

 _Eren immediately replies. "Yes! I got loadsa stuff to play with Dad! And cake, too! It was the best birthday ever," Eren giggles with a yawn._

" _Alright, I think it's time you go to sleep. Night-night, Eren. Happy birthday." She kisses Eren's messy mop of hair, he smiles._

" _Night, son. Happy birthday." The father ruffles Eren's hair once again, he lets out a small giggle._

 _Before the pair can leave, he sleepily calls out._

" _I love you, mom, dad. Next year let's have an even bigger party… And more cake…"_

" _We love you too," But Eren had already fallen asleep._

Visions from that day are still vivid in his head.

The annoying lump in his throat won't go away.

 _Mom, dad, someday we'll have that party, right?_

 _When I win this war, we will meet again._

 _Please wait for me. I'm coming._

It feels like decades ago. Back when he was 15. Confident, loud, and dreaming bigger than he could reach.

Eren had changed a lot over the years. In fact, everyone had.

It was almost surreal, comparing everyone to their younger selves.

The young scouts were growing into battle-hardened soldiers. It showed in their dulled eyes.

Their hope was barely alive at this point. But it was still there. Flickering, but alight.

As long as they were alive after all, that flame would never go out.

Eren wonders where his went. It used to burn so bright, brighter than anything else.

But all he had now was a faint ache in his chest. There was no hope for him. Just fighting on endlessly.

That's how it was ever since the battle in Shiganshina. Maria, even remembering that day made him feel exhausted.

Eren snaps out of his thoughts with a jump, and sees his startled reflection in the old mirror opposite him.

He breathes a sigh. Recently, he's caught himself zoning out quite a bit.

To be honest, he isn't sure what to do with himself today.

It's his birthday. Turning 19, the years seemed to drag by like a crawl. It was irritating.

Having become less and less bothered about his appearance, his hair had grown out; stubble was starting to appear on his now more defined jaw, too.

The only reason he hadn't grown out a full out beard yet was Levi's constant nagging to shave. "You look dirty!" He says.

But in contrast to Levi, Mikasa didn't seem to mind. Armin says shorter hair fits him better, though.

Eren tended to be more occupied with other thoughts to really care about his hair. It bemused him how much attention it could get, though.

"Was it really that big of a deal?"

Apparently it was.

Eren takes a glance towards the clock resting on the far side of the wall.

It's still early in the day. If it were up to Eren, he would be out training right about now- Something he had been doing quite a bit more since the battle in Shiganshina all those years ago.

Always preparing for battle, always ready.

However, being as today was his birthday, he was forbidden to doing as such.

"It's unhealthy, you need to take care of yourself, relax, take a day off-" et cetera, et cetera. Mainly from Mikasa.

As much as it annoyed him, he couldn't bring himself to just ignore his sisters' worries. Maybe he had been at it too much.

And so, Eren decided to stay in his room. For the whole day? Probably. He was honestly bored out of his mind.

He breathes a long, heavy sigh. Perhaps a nap would be a good way to kill some time.

Although a nap would most likely lead to him lying in bed all day. Something he hadn't done, well… Hasn't been able to do, since he was like five. Damn.

A nap it is, then.

"Eren? Eren! I'm coming in!" Eren opens his eyes groggily to a banging at his door, with- Mikasa? Yeah, Mikasa- yelling from beyond it.

He yawns and stretches, lazily running his fingers through his horrible bed hair. Long hair was a pain after all.

He looks up at the clock in the room, groaning loudly when he sees that around 8 hours had passed.

Well, so much for just a simple nap, then.

He stands just as Mikasa enters, the wooden door creaking heavily on its old hinges. Oh yeah, he needed to fix that.

"Have you been sleeping, Eren?" She asks after seeing his dishevelled and sleepy state. Eren doesn't reply; it was obvious, wasn't it?

Feeling her judging glare, he speaks defensively. "What? I had nothing to do, you're the one who forbid me from training or working out today."

She sighs. "Yes, but that doesn't mean you can just sleep all day!"

"Then next time don't try to stop my daily training. You know how important that is."

Mikasa narrows her eyes.

"Alright. No more training for another month." Blank-faced, she walks out.

"Wha- You can't do that, Mikasa! What the hell!" Eren follows after her, objecting and ranting the entire time. He can't help but feel like Mikasa is grinning at this.

"Where are we going, anyway?" Actually, why was he following her to begin with? That's what she wanted, right?

"To your party, sleepyhead." Oh. That is what she wanted, then.

"A party? That's just a waste of our time, Mik-" Eren stops halfway through his lecture as she slaps her hand over his mouth.

"Oh, let it go! You've become obsessed with nothing but training, planning, and anything else related to Marley and this damn war! I'm worried, okay? We all are. The Eren we know isn't like this."

Eren remains silent at the look in her eyes. He couldn't bring himself to object, even as nothing but objections filled his head.

Just this once, then.

"No, Connie, don't touch that- Ah, Jean! You're doing it wrong! It has to be this way- Oh, Eren! Guys, Eren is here!" Opening the wooden double-doors to the mess hall, Eren is immediately greeted by the sight of Sasha hanging up decorations, along with the rest of the 104th squad. Hange and Levi are also there, much to Eren's surprise.

Shouting his name, Armin runs up to Eren, quickly embracing him in a tight hug.

Chuckling, Eren hugs him back. "Hey, Armin. What's all this, then?" The rest of the group follow, ushering Eren in.

He makes it about two steps in before he's _nearly_ crushed in a tight hug by Hange.

"Oh, Eren, Eren! I'm so glad you're here now, I've been waiting hours to see that face of yours! Happy Birthday~!" They squeal in Eren's ear, making the poor boy wince. They finally let him go after what felt like an eternity, pinching and pulling his cheeks excitedly.

"Could you wait until he's at least stepped foot into the goddamn room before assaulting him, four eyes?" The familiar aggravated and dark tone of Levi reaches his ears,

he gulps as he sees Levi march towards Hange with eyes that _screamed_ murder. Well, when didn't they?

Eren turns his attention to the rest of the group, giving them all quick hugs and receiving pats on the back.

"Happy Birthday, Eren." Mikasa places her hand on Eren's shoulder and smiles. Eren mouths a "Thank you," warmly in response, before being pulled away and sat at a table by Sasha and Connie.

"Come on, come on! You have to open your presents!"

Everyone sits down at the table, Mikasa and Armin on both sides of Eren. The only exception was Levi, he was leaning against the wall, mainly observing with a bored expression.

On the wooden table, was a small pile of wrapped presents, each varying in size. Some were better wrapped than others.

"So, which one do I open first?" Eren asks.

"Whichever you like!" Sasha replies.

Eren thought for a moment. He then asks for "Mikasa and Armin's presents first, then." It seemed only natural to Eren, though he didn't realize how it warmed both of their hearts.

Two neatly- wrapped presents were placed in front of him. One looked like a book, he guessed that would be from Armin.

He was more curious what Mikasa's was, though.

Carefully he tears open the package, revealing a small box. Inside it, was something made out of a soft, green material.

It was a scarf, a long and thick one. it looked like it was knitted by hand, mistakes and holes were visible. Had Mikasa made this by herself?

Eren wraps the scarf around himself, smiling warmly.

"Thank you, Mikasa." He hugs her tightly, the gift and the thought put into it warming his heart.

"Of course."

Next was Armin's, and beside him, Armin looked quite nervous. It made Eren even more curious.

Tearing open the wrapping on Armin's gift, inside was a small frame with cloth attached to it. A canvas?

He turns it around, and can't help the small gasp that leaves his lips.

It was a painting, delicate lines and strokes covered the white cloth, forming the shape of a flower, a beautiful violet in colour.

"I know it's rather odd, but I saw this strange flower outside the walls, and… I couldn't help myself. I was short on money too, so…" Armin smiles sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck.

"Armin, it's… Amazing! I never knew you were so good at painting!"

A small blush appears on the blondes cheeks, "T-Thank you… I'm glad. Happy Birthday, Eren."

"Alright, alright! Now time for my present! Happy Birthday, Eren!" Sasha suddenly exclaims and slams a messily-wrapped… thing in front of Eren. It looked like…

"Let me guess, a potato?" Eren's guess didn't seem to be too far off if the glint in Sashas eye was anything to go by.

"It's something even better than a potato! Just open it, already!" Something even better than a potato? The whole table leans in close to see what would be better than a Potato, of all things, to Sasha.

Hurriedly tearing it open, was…

"A purple potato?" Jean snorts.

"No, stupid," She slaps Jeans head before continuing, "It's not just a potato!"

"So it is a potato?"

"Hush! It's a _sweet_ potato! They're different!" Sasha looked honestly offended. Eren tries to stifle a snort, but fails miserably. Her glare could almost rival Levis.

Almost.

"Well, thank you, Sasha… for the… sweet potato." Eren awkwardly rolls the potato to the side, just as another present is placed in front of him by a manic Hange.

"Happy birthday, Eren pie! Oh, you'll love this! I know you will! Come on, open it, open it!" They huff and breathe madly in Eren's face.

He grimaces and backs away, sighing in relief as Hange is dragged back by the collar.

"Hange, do that again, and you can forget about your experiments for the rest of the month. And yes, I'm serious." Immediately she's protesting, though her pleas fall on deaf ears.

They really were quite an odd pair.

The "present" in front of Eren looked more like a big… Lump, with paper hastily stuck onto it. Eren cautiously reaches out his hand to touch it and draws back his hand almost immediately-

"I-It's sticky…" The whole table cringes at Eren's words, Levi especially. "Hange, what the fuck is that thing-"

"It's fine, just open it! Don't you trust me, Eren?" Hange stares into Eren's eyes and pouts, though they looked more creepy than "cute" to Eren.

He sighs to himself, 'The sooner I open this, the quicker I can get rid of it' Repeating that in his head, Eren starts to unwrap the "thing".

Strangely, a pleasant, almost flowery smell emits from it, though he still had no idea what it actually was.

It was a creamy sort of colour, and was _very_ sticky. It had hand and finger prints all over it, so it was something that was easily moldable…

"Hange." The table freezes in terror as Levi speaks up once again, his voice low and threatening.

The commander pales. Eren silently says a quick prayer for them.

"Yes, my dear Levi?" He takes one step towards Hange, they visibly gulp.

"Is that… My _soap?"_ Soap? Looking back at the weird sculpture, the gears click into place.

"Well… Maybe~?" Moving faster than he had ever seen the Commander move before, Hange sprints out of the hall, Levi immediately following suit.

The hall is silent.

Armin coughs awkwardly, "S-So… Would that be your titan, Eren…?" Puzzled, Eren looks back at the lump of soap.

"Like, that's supposed to be the teeth, right? Or so I think…"

"Oh, he's right!" Connie leans over the table examining the soap. "Did they seriously try to give you a soap made to look like your titan?!" Sasha goes into a fit of laughter, banging her fist against the table.

Mikasa and Armin quietly hold Eren's shoulders in a comforting grip.

Well, at least he now knew what it _was_.

Moments later, Levi reappears in the hall, though Hange was nowhere to be seen.

"Captain! Oh, the Commander isn't with you?"

Levi glares at Eren as soon as the question leaves his mouth. He shuts up immediately. Even after working with the man for so many years, nobody could ever get used to that ever famous _glare_ of his.

He's truly frightening.

"Don't worry about the commander, I merely locked them in the bathroom for the time being. I'll let them out… Sooner or later."

"Sooner or later…?!"

The group all share a worried glance, Eren throws in another quick prayer for his poor commander.

"Hopefully they won't do anything stupid in the meantime," Eren hears Armin whisper beside him. He silently nods.

"So? Is this party over now or what?" Levi asks whilst tapping his foot impatiently. Connie and Jean jump slightly, seeming to remember something.

"Oh, yeah! Eren, this is a gift from me and Jean. Happy Birthday!" Connie slides over a shoddy-looking gift, winking suspiciously. A joint-gift from both of them? Eren could feel himself getting annoyingly nervous.

Whatever it was, it wouldn't be good.

The thing itself actually looked quite innocent. If he had to guess, a book? It couldn't be that, though.

Regardless, tearing open the lazily wrapped present, was…

"Magazines?" he wonders aloud, hearing the two snicker. Growing more confused by the second, he hurriedly opens the magazine at the top of the small pile.

And he immediately throws the magazines back in Connie's and Jeans snickering faces.

"Ha ha, very funny. Grow up, you can keep these to yourselves. Especially you horseface, I think you need them more than Connie does." Jean stops laughing and throws a magazine back in Eren's smirking face.

"Fuck you, Jäger."

"Hey, it's not my fault girls are naturally repulsed by your horse fac-" The two are silenced when Levi and Mikasa both clear their throats simultaneously.

"Eren, don't purposefully rile him up. Jean, keep the porn mags to yourself." Jeans sputters at Mikasa's words, Eren's shoulders shake with his effort to keep in his laughter.

"You guys are so immature," Sasha huffs, Connie sticks out his tongue in response.

"Right then," ignoring the busily chattering group, Levi strides over to Eren's seat, carefully placing a small box in front of him.

"Here. Don't you dare break anything in this, you won't be getting another one." And with that, he leaves the hall entirely; leaving a very confused but curious Eren.

"Woah! Captain got you a birthday present! Why didn't he get one for my birthday?!" Connie shouts, only to have Sasha roll her eyes in response. "It's because you'd either break it or lose it, you're not responsible like he is."

"I am too!"

"You are not! What happened to the potato sculpture I got you then, huh?!" Connie pales, immediately getting a smack to the back of the head by Sasha.

Potato sculpture…?

"Anyway, open it, Eren! It must be something really special if it's from the Captain!" She squeals in delight, it's painfully obvious she's holding herself back from just grabbing it and opening it herself.

"Alright, alright, calm down, it's not going to run away." Eren sighs with a shake of his head, not even bothering to hold back the smile forming on his lips.

He grabs the ribbon tied in a small bow, delicately unravelling it.

It was very neatly wrapped, a nice contrast to the previous… gift.

It's a wooden box, beige and shiny, it was so… fancy. The whole table leans in to see.

Carefully, Eren's pulls out a china tea cup from the box. Jumping slightly as Jean suddenly snorts- Or neighs, to Eren.

"A- A tea cup?! Are you serious?!" Jean howls with laughter and Connie joins in.

Eren ignores them in favour of the small cup. It looked and felt _very_ expensive, he was almost afraid to be holding it. It was a rich creamy colour, but painted on it were waves of the ocean, in varying shades of green and midnight blue.

It was… Beautiful.

"Wow… To think the Captain would bother with something so extravagant…" Armin gapes in admiration, unable to take his eyes away from the cup.

"Yes… It seems strange, although he does have a fondness for tea, I suppose." Mikasa chimes in, Eren could see her eyes shining as she takes in the appearance of the cup.

"It is incredibly pretty… Such a fancy present!"

"Oh come on, are you serious? It's so girly!" Jean retorts, Eren glares at him in response.

"There's something else in there, Eren." Mikasa points toward the box, the whole table goes silent again.

Ignoring Jeans comments about a second tea-cup, he finds something made of leather.

Or at least, it had a leather sheath. Pulling it off, was a incredibly sharp dagger.

Mikasa's eyes immediately light up upon seeing the blade, Armin backs away in surprise, and the rest seem to be just as confused as Eren is.

"A dagger? Why would the Captain get me something like this?" Eren wonders aloud while slowly twirling the blade around in his hand, marvelling at its craftsmanship and beauty.

It was simple, but clearly a very well-made blade.

"Maybe it's to protect yourself, Eren? The Captain can be strangely thoughtful with things like that, haha…" Armin pales thinking back to the time Captain Levi had gotten Armin a book on how to "properly prepare your kill" after he failed miserably whilst hunting on an expedition.

Apparently the book was quite descriptive.

Jean snorts again. "'Thoughtful' and 'Captain Levi' don't go together in a sentence, Armin." Getting another glare from Eren.

"It's only because you slack off that you're always on cleaning duty, horse-face."

"Let's stop it there, okay? Look, it's time for cake, cake!" Sasha quickly intervenes seeing the darkening looks on both the boys faces.

Sighing, with a small, fond smile resting gently on his features, Eren carefully puts the cup and dagger away, making a note to thank Captain Levi later, and also an apology to Hange.

It felt so incredibly nostalgic.

So warm.

Yet cold.

Happy memories clashed with sad ones. Violent emotions clashed with numb ones.

Was it a dream? Is he losing his mind?

Or maybe it really did happen. Maybe in this universe, many years ago- Or maybe in a different world altogether, one that no longer exists-

He had lost friends. He had made friends.

He had lost family. He found family.

Anger, betrayal, guilt, sadness,

Happiness, relief, joy, peace,

Eren remembers those feelings swirling inside another him, from another time, a long while ago.

"Are you crying? Eren?"

The boy feels like he's being pulled from a deep, deep dream.

Almost drowning, it feels like he's gasping for the air he so greatly desired.

His cheeks were soaked with salty tears.

So he must've been drowning in that dream.

Bringing a trembling hand to his tear-stained face, stuttering and mumbling in confusion. He can feel the worried gazes from everyone on him.

Everyone…

"Eren, are you okay? Is something wrong?" He can hear Mikasa's voice.

"Eren? What's the matter, dear?" He hears his mothers voice.

His eyes snap into focus at the thought. Mother…

And she was there. Staring into his eyes with worry written all over her face.

It was not a dream.

It was not a lie.

She was here. Right in front of him.

He looks around the room.

Mikasa.

Armin.

Jean.

Connie.

Sasha.

Christa.

Ymir.

Annie.

Bertolt

Reiner.

Petra.

Oluo.

Gunther.

Eld.

Levi.

Hange.

Erwin.

Hannes.

Dad.

Mom.

And suddenly the dam is broken and he's drowning again, drowning in those emotions that should no longer exist.

Because the reasons for them have long since perished.

He feels the warm and gentle embrace of his mother as she whispers soothing words to him. He feels Armin and Mikasa's comforting hands on his shoulders.

He feels the slight warmth from the candles on his birthday cake as they illuminate everyone's faces.

It's not a dream.

It's not a lie.

"Happy birthday, Eren."


End file.
